I Forgive You

22 05 2009

Sorry this week’s blog is a little long but this is an important one!

The next step we must master in learning to let go is to forgive.  Yes, every one of us has been through something that has hurt or somehow affected you and has left you with feelings of anger, bitterness and maybe even revenge.  To forgive is to actually let go off those feelings, it is to release any negative thoughts that are currently attached to the person, place or thing that has hurt you, talked about you or somehow just did you wrong

You may be thinking to yourself, I have no problem letting go of the person, but yet you continue to hold a grudge.  Holding grudges is not LETTING GO! According to Webster’s dictionary, “a grudge is a feeling of deep-seated resentment or ill will.”  Holding a grudge means you are still carrying with you or holding on to feelings from that thing that hurt you or may you angry.  In other words you have not truly forgiven the person and this un-forgiveness is what leads you to bitterness and in order to move past this, you must get rid of this burden and let go of the anger, hurt, animosity, hostility, resentment etc…   By letting go, you are not implying “to forget” or “to ignore.” By all means, you should carry with you the lessons you have learned from what happened; however, you need to let go in the sense of releasing emotional baggage that is tied to this event that you are carrying around with you.  If you don’t let it go, you carry it into the next relationship, job, situation that may be similar.  Instead this is a call to learn the lessons you need to and then release yourself form the negative emotions tied to it, you do this so that you will not stay stuck in a negative pattern.  Well ladies in order to move into our promise, our purpose, our destiny, our dreams, we must release and forgive, so that you may be open to, and present for new opportunities.

What is forgiveness? Forgiveness is for you, not the offender. Forgiveness is taking back your power. Forgiveness is taking responsibility for how you feel. Forgiveness is about YOUR healing and not about the people who hurt you. Forgiveness helps you get control over your feelings. Forgiveness can improve your mental and physical health. Forgiveness is a choice.

 What forgiveness is not?  Forgiveness is not condoning unkindness. Forgiveness is not forgetting that something painful happened. Forgiveness is not excusing poor behavior. Forgiveness is not denying or minimizing your hurt. Forgiveness does not mean reconciling with the offender.  An excerpted from “Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness” by Fred Luskin

I am sure you are saying, “Nicole, these people did me wrong and I need to pay them back!” Check out this bible verse,

 “Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.” – Romans 12:19

I have to share with you here that when I truly learned to let go and let God, I have seen how God can repay wrong for you better than you could have ever repaid the other person yourself!  However the trick here is to not wish for evil on that person but to truly be done, not giving thought to this person and how they affected you and to actually learn somehow to wish well for the person as the bible verse goes on to say,

 “Therefore if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink. For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” -Romans 12:20 -21

 I know when I read this, I did not understand that heap coals of fire on his head part so I tired to look it up and this is what I found.

“For so you will heap coals of fire on his head,
      And the LORD will reward you.” – Proverbs 25:22

So pretty much my take away is when you repay evil with good, God will truly bless you for doing what is right especially when it is hard to.  Yes forgiving and letting go can be a very hard thing to do, but it’s even harder and more stressful to hold on to grudges. It takes more energy to be negative than to be positive, plus it just feels so good to be positive J Forgiveness is a powerful tool toward change.  To forgive definitely breaks you free from the burden of yesterday so that you can pursue your tomorrow. Tim Laurence, founder of the Hoffman Institute, said. “I have seen people whose lives have been determined by a grievance that has affected not only themselves, but also generations after them. To then see that person forgive and be able to move on in their lives is like watching them unlocking the door to their own prison and stepping out into freedom.” For me I like to put it this way, it is like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly.  If you visualize that statement, I am sure you can see the difference in the 2. 


Or maybe it is not someone or something else that has hurt you that you need to forgive; instead it may be that you need to forgive YOU.

“I don’t know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable. But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, ‘well, if I’d known better I’d have done better,’ that’s all. So you say to people who you think you may have injured, ‘I’m sorry,’ and then you say to yourself, ‘I’m sorry.’ If we all hold on to the mistake, we can’t see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can’t see what we’re capable of being. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one’s own self. I think that young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves. Now mind you. When a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats, as too black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too sexual or too asexual, that’s rough. But you can overcome that. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. If we don’t have that we never grow, we never learn, and sure as hell we should never teach.”
— Maya Angelou


The act of forgiveness is a decision; it is a decision not to allow this person, place or thing to continue to add stress and negativity to your life. It is a decision to take back your remote and to take over the control of your own feelings. Whatever it is, YOU, someone or something else, each of us must identify who or what is holding us back?  What is keeping you down? Making you think of who you used to be and are not ready to see you do better?  Who are you still mad at for something they did years ago? What grudge are you holding that keeps you in a place of bitterness and resentment?  Today is your moment to step into your freedom and FORGIVE! 

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel.  Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” -Catherine Ponder

“Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.”
— Ann Landers

 “Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” – Unknown

 “Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.” – Dale Carnegie




3 responses

22 05 2009
Kendra Queen

Wow, this is something we all struggle with daily….But a lot of times we experience these things so God can work on our character. Anytime someone hurts you and you are able to truly forgive and let go and move forward, it shows signs of growth. Just recently I was able to forgive my father whole heartedly. I commited myself to forgiving him know matter how many times he hurts me….I am going to love him. I will continue to let him know this, and just let God deal with the dirt. I truly love him and I know he loves me too, he just does’nt know how to express that love. The point is, is that life is too short to hold grudges. You or the other person could be here today, gone tomorrow. Forgiveness is very important, you don’t forgive for them, but for you. Holding grudges and not forgiving that person gives them power over you. It means they pretty much control your mood when they walk in the room, you can’t sleep because your up thinking about all the bad things they did to you or said about you….hence, they control you! Your in bondage! So forgive, it’s not worth you loosing your good health, because that can play a factor as well. The way you choose to handle heartache definately will affect your health. ‘Girl’ it’s not worth it!
‘My Thoughts’

23 05 2009

Forgiving someone regardless of how large or small the issue, is “POWERFUL” and definetly it will set you free and open your eyes to many of the perimeters involved in the circumstances.

I hope everyone will have a great and safe Memorial Day weekend.

29 05 2009
Jeanette Conrad-Ellis

It’s so much easier to hold the grudge than to forgive, but as scripture tells us in Matthew 7:13, we are to “enter by the narrow gate, for the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction and those who enter by it are many. But the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life and those who find it are few.” I used this quote in my first novel, to remind my readers of the goal to always press on to squeeze through the narrow gate. Like pulling on a pair of skinny jeans, no pain no gain. And I can attest that at times forgiving someone will feel painful, but as Nicole shared, it’s freeing for us. I love the part that forgiving doesn’t mean we have to be reconciled with the offender. That was validating for me because when I’ve forgiven someone, I may still choose not to break bread or fellowship with the person, even though I’ve forgiven them. They may no longer be invited into the theatre that is my life, but it doesn’t mean that I haven’t forgive them. They’re just no longer worthy to sit in my audience and partake of my fabulousness up close and personal!

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