The Outer Realm

18 09 2009

Over the last few weeks we have looked at all of the folks who make up your team. However, there are 2 other areas those that may not make your team should be moved into. This week we start to look at the first of the two, the outer realm. Unfortunately a relationship that started out as your best friends in high school, your childhood friend from the neighborhood or just someone who has been your confident can change over time.

The outer realm is made up of those friends who may not necessarily have a positive affect on your life but their intention is definitely not to have a negative one either. Yes we all have issues, but those in your outer realm are the one’s whose issues can affect you if you let them get to close. This is the sista who always has drama going on in her life and whose lack of self esteem keeps her stuck in a non-moving motion. It’s like a dark cloud hanging over her head, hanging over her life and this cloud has the ability to suck the life right out of you as well only if you allow it. Now don’t get me wrong, the friends that you move from your inner circle, to the outer realm may not be a bad people, and maybe this friend is just going through a rough patch. But when that rough patch moves from just her to now you have one too, all because her negative vibe is transferring onto you, this means you have got to make room enough not to let her negativity infiltrate your positive spirit.

Now I am in no way saying to close the door to those friends that may not be quite up to par to be in that inner circle of your team as it may be that they may not be capable of being on your team at this moment. After all, this person’s issues are overtaking her life and she just may not be at the capacity yet to be on your team because of this. However one day she may get it together and thus be ready to become a member of your team. The difference with these folks and the haters is that this group is trying to do better, they just aren’t there yet. So be the kind of friend to her that you would want as well. You can be the light at the end of the tunnel, telling your friends in the outer realm or in the audience at your game of life, to stop being so negative. Hold them at their greatest while at the same time keeping enough space between the two of you so that their negative “woe is me” does not pull you down with them. Ya know nurse the friend with a cold without catching it from her.

So how do you know when to move a friend from the inner circle to the outer realm? This can be tricky as there is also a 3rd category – those that are drinking the hater-aid and these are the one’s we must learn to let go – we will begin to discuss this in a few weeks. But for now really think about the direction that your life is headed in. Who are the people that will help you move in this direction and who are the folks that will keep you stuck in a non-moving position? Now think of those that keep you from moving but they don’t do it on purpose. They don’t mean to do this, they just can’t see beyond where they currently are to see the possibility in their own lives, let alone in yours. This is the group we are talking about. It may indeed be your light that may be just what a friend in this group needs to move her from the drama into possibility. The thing to ponder this week is how to help those in your outer realm to see the light but not be hindered and sucked into their darkness.

“You can’t control the winds, but you CAN control how you set your sails.”- Ralph Marston

“There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.” ~ Lord Buddha

“Never let the hand you hold, hold you down.” ~ Author Unknown

“A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.” ~Arnold Glasow

“The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.” ~Elisabeth Foley




2 responses

18 09 2009
Jeanette Conrad-Ellis

Amen. There will always be people in the outer realm of your life. And sometimes it’ll happen with someone whom you would have sworn would be your bestest friend forever. Expect people to flow in and out of your life. Sometimes it’ll be mutual and sometimes the departure will leave you aching and wondering how and why it happened. You may not have even seen it coming, and next thing you know the person is in the outer realm. Just keep living and make a new friend. Maybe that outer realm person just couldn’t take your fabulousness any longer.

22 09 2009
Keisha Lloyd

This is a very tricky topic as you say. I think if you have a true friend, you will know the difference between someone that should be in the outer realm and one that should be in. A true friend will let you know when you are doing good and not so good. If they are a true friend they will understand that at some point you might have to take some “me time” and get yourself together. As a friend you will only want the best for your counter part. If that requires a break then you accept it and take that time to improve some areas in your life as well. We should also not be so easily offended either. If you expect the best from a friend, you won’t mind if they need to buckle down for couple of semesters to get some much needed work in. Or they can’t hang with you because they need to lose weight and you are always on a Hagen Daz run. We should always be willing to shew a little compassion and empathy for others. Where there is genuine friendship there also will be patience, tolerance, acceptance and good ole fashion love.

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