Understanding there will be Hateration

1 10 2009

Unfortunately no matter how hard we work on improving ourselves and staying positive, there will always be someone who is hating on you for who you are and where you are headed.  You know those people who just can’t stand to see you doing well.  I know personally speaking it is very hurtful when someone starts to flip the script on you.  If you don’t know what I mean, let me ask you, have you ever felt like one of your friends or family members MIGHT be jealous of you?  But you dismiss the thought because you think to yourself, “how could I think such a thing!” Well, guess what ladies, you weren’t wrong when ya thought so! Unfortunately, some of the very people who you think are in your corner really aren’t.  Believe it or not, some folks do NOT want to see you happy. Or better yet, as long as you are not happier or doing better than they are, they are totally fine!!!!  

Why does this happen?   To understand why some people become a hater over time we must look at what it is to be jealous.   Jealousy really begins with how the person feels about themselves or dare I say it is their own insecurity or lack of self-confidence.

 To cure jealousy is to see it for what is it, a dissatisfaction with self.”- Joan Didion

So in essence this jealous person is so unsatisfied with themselves that they try and make you feel or look lower than they are so that they can feel better.  We expect a TRUE friend to support us and well let’s face it we all get a little jealous sometimes.  However when that jealousy turns into something that is hurtful, humiliating , back stabbing and/or demeaning, then it is has turned into hateration.

At the end of the day, jealously comes from a want for something you don’t have or something you do not feel that you can measure up to and overtime becomes a struggle for power.  So think about this…you may indeed be giving power to the person who is jealous of you by feeding into this dissatisfaction of self.   We do this when we find out that friend is talking about us behind our back, so we in turn start to talk about them.  This becomes a tit for tat that gives this negativity control over your life.  Yes it takes much more energy to be negative then it does to be positive and  basically when a person acts out of feelings of jealousy; they are in essence trying to exert power over something they feel they are threatened by or something that has been taken away from them.  So if you try to get back at them, you are just feeding into this power struggle, you are feeding into the negativity and it’s like a Gremlin, do you remember that movie, and if you feed it that water, it is just going to grow bigger and bigger.   

Hmmm….. could it just be that your friend has become jealous because you are climbing in the direction of your dreams and they are not.  Why is it that some women cannot not just congratulate each other when they are doing well instead of getting jealous?  We all must realize that we REALLY can learn from one another and grow if we can stay positive and know that YOUR gift is not MY gift!!!!  A TRUE friends should  support you  and sometimes you can help your friend conquer her insecurities, but other times it’s best to cut all ties and let her go. What we must do when we come to the crossroad of insecurity, envy, covetousness and hateration is  to really figure out for yourself whether your friend would be more secure if they had what they envy, or if they’d just find something else to be jealous of.  It really is a thin line between someone who is having a temporary woe is me moment or  has a case of what I like to call the negativity tornado.   For if it is the negativity tornado that just keeps blowing and blowing and blowing in a whirlwind you MUST let this person go …we will talk about letting go next week… for now, you must REALLY figure out what friends are lifting you and what friend are tearing you down in order to do this take a moment and understand if they have caught the hateration bug!

 

 “When people show you who they are believe them” – Oprah Winfrey

 

“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves.  You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit.  Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.  Therefore by their fruits you will know them.  Matthew 7:15-20

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3 responses

2 10 2009
Chenita

Amen!

2 10 2009
Alicia

I believe Jeanette’s comment on the previous post about wind applies to this hateration we face also. It is so much harder to pray for enemies or those who hurt us. However now I find myself doing it more often. Unlike venting, praying for those who try to harm me sheds new light on my situations. Perhaps, there was a solution I had never considered, or maybe I could adjust my actions and have a different outcome. Even if that isn’t the case praying for those who cause stress in my life gives me peace of mind and helps me realize just how petty the drama really is. Everything is going to be just fine, and they have just made me stronger.

I always believe everything happens for a reason. God puts me in situations so I can learn, be prepared and easily overcome the bigger obstacle that’s coming my way. Thank whoever is hating on you because you are definitely doing something right in your life. Keep it up ladies!

2 10 2009
JC Conrad-Ellis

I hadn’t read your weekly blog when we spoke earlier…Haters are like the paparazzi. If the paparazzi is chasing you, your star is still burning bright. When you have haters, your fabulosity is still in full bloom. I’ve learned to toast my haters, it’s confirmation that I’m still operating in the sweet spot that God has planned for me. Too bad no matter how old we are we still have people in our lives who want to act like they’re in middle school…

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