Learning to Let Go

8 10 2009

If you have people in your life who are mad at you because you are doing better, jealous because you are excelling, or hating because you have a new life goal, stop making you life miserable and let them go!  Did you know that relationship conflict and stress have been shown to have a negative impact on your health, affecting your blood pressure, contributing to heart disease, etc…. That’s why it’s in your best interest to decrease or eliminate negative relationships in your life.  So ladies it is time to stop allowing the crabs to try and pull you back into the barrel and LET THEM GO! 

Here are 2 things to think of when we must LET GO:

 # 1 –  “Do not be deceived: Evil company corrupts good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33(NKJ)

If this is the case, keeping negative, harmful, depressing and destructive people in your life will produce negative, harmful, depressing and destructive results.  If you want positive, constructive, affirming, encouraging things to occur in your life, you should surround yourself with these types of people, places and things.  Remember negative produces negative and positive produces positive.

Sometimes, we stay in friendships way past their expiration dates and you know what happens to things past their expiration date? They spoil!  They smell bad and if we try and eat or drink it, they make us sick.   So wouldn’t this apply to a relationship that has run past it’s course?   And just like that sour milk, we’ve got to pour it down the drain…we have got to let it go!  So how do you let go?   The key to letting go of any bad relationship is first to get the issues out in the open.  If you address the situation, you’ll save yourself a great deal of drama and stress that you would have if you kept it all inside.  By putting the issue on the table for a nice healthy discussion, you will either clear up any confusion or you will see who this person really is.

Start this conversation by being open and honest about your feelings, but avoid laying blame or charging them with things, avoid being mean or get to the rolling of your neck stuff…just focus on you and how you feel in a nice and positive spirit. If you approach this negatively, then this conversation will definitely be negative.  But if you come with positive intentions, and it turns negative anyway, you will know that it is not you. Give your friend an opportunity to share his or her feelings, listen to what they say but also pay attention to the things they don’t say. 

Now after you have this conversation, gradually separate yourself. Speak less on the phone, see each other less, and begin to withdraw slowly.  This will give you the space to see things clearly, and allow your friend to marinate on your conversation.  After all if you keep doing things the same way you used to, then she or he may not take your conversation seriously.   What do you do next?  Sit back and see what happens. Your friend’s behavior will speak volumes … as Oprah says….“When people show you who they are, believe them.”  

#2 – I am sure you have heard the saying, “Let Go, Let God”.  To let go here is an act of surrender. To surrender to the fact that we actually have no control. We cannot control how people act and the decisions that they make. Instead of fighting “what is,” we need to learn to accept and to be at peace.  All we CAN control is how we allow it to affect us and how we interact or react to it. By choosing to have peace, and trusting that what is meant to be shall be, we can hold onto more of a positive outlook on all the things that come our way. By letting go, we actually allow more positive energy to flow to us instead of trying to force what may not be meant to be….if it don’t fit, don’t force it.

Whatever happens, know that, like all things in life including friendships, change over time.  Some folks grow with you; some folks grow in 2 separate directions. The act of letting go is really standing up for yourself as you exercise your right to be respected not just by others but by and for yourself as well.  By letting go, you are taking back the control of your life as you DEFINE how you will and will not be treated.  By letting go of bad company, you free yourself to be the YOU that you deserve to be!

  We all lose friends.. we lose them in death, to distance and over time. But even though they may be lost, hope is not. The key is to keep them in your heart, and when the time is right, you can pick up the friendship right where you left off. Even the lost find their way home when you leave the light on.” ~ Amy Marie Walz

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3 responses

9 10 2009
Ynette Wilson

This weeks message really resonated with me personally. I have always prided myself on maintaining friendships with so many people, yet I am truly only close to a select few. I find that just like pruning of a garden, there are times you need to prune some individuals out of your life so that the garden can grow to it’s full potential and beauty.

9 10 2009
Chenita

Continue the great blogs. They tie in so beautifully together. I am truly enjoying them.

10 10 2009
JC Conrad-Ellis

So true! You have a wonderful ability to break it down to the bare essentials! When I was in my late teens, my wiser mentors told me that I probably wouldn’t be friends with the same group as I grew older. At the time I didn’t understand how they could predict that, and then life started happening and the friendships changed. With one in particular, the hateration started and voila! It was time to let it go. Although I’m still “friendly” with many of them, some that I thought would always be front rowers are now not even in the theatre. I speak monthly with one and quarterly with another. Same thing happened with some in my college crew…next thing you know, the calls stop being returned and the relationship is being held together by yearly holiday cards. Guess the friendships expired! I love the friendship expiration date concept. So wise and so true!

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