What kind of friend are you?

15 10 2009

So as we close our discussion on Reorganizing Your Team, the last question that summaries all of what we have discussed thus far is, what kind of friend are you?  The focus here is, how do you treat your team? So as you begin to figure out how you want to reorganize your team…you know whom you need let go of, who is staying,  it is also important that you make the players on your team feel valued.  You must not only know how to utilize your team but also to know what they need from you. We must invest in our relationships. Making people feel appreciated is the key to maintaining friendships.   

So what kind of friend are you?  Think about it.  Do you let your friends know how much you treasure, cherish and respect their role in your life?  If your team is supporting your goals, you have got to support their goals equally.  Remember a relationship is a 2 way street and NOT ALL about you!!! 

 Do unto others as you would have them do to you.” -Luke 6:31

So just as you expect from your friend(s), you be the same kind of friend.  On the same token we have got to understand who our friends are.   Some friends are phone people some are not. Like me, you see I am the worst with calling folks back and all my friends know that.  I will email you all day long…but my memory and sometimes my timing, during any given day, does not always allow me to call folks back….so if you know that about me…you know you better email me if you want to track me down…LOL…  Get to know who your friends are!  Some need a call when they are going through a rough patch, some do not, and the only way you know theses things is to really understand that each of your team members are all individual people who all make unique contributions to your life and equally have individual needs.  Knowing their role or their position (like in basketball) on your team will only benefit both of you in the long run.  So that you will not expect her to do things she is not capable of doing and visa versa.   The key to a lasting friendship is in accepting who each other are…that is what I call LOVE.

 “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way.  It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”  -1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

So while many people think of love as just a feeling it is also a choice. It is something you must decide to do and to give every day. It is given out in the ways we act and react to all those we interface with and it is especially tested when you come to an area of disagreement.   You see when we accept people for who they are, there will also be areas that we may not always see eye to eye.  This is what I call the area of disagreement. This area of disagreement is usually where your conflicts, your misunderstanding will fall.  Ultimately in these times of discord, this is where the art of acceptance and not taking things personal comes into play.  In a friendship you should be able to agree to disagree and move on from a heated disagreement, let it go and still enjoy your afternoon with one another, even though you disagree about something.

“Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.” –Romans 12:10

In other words, honor who your friends are as they may indeed have different opinions and outlooks on things, but love you just the same!  Sisterly or brotherly love is a gift we give to others. It isn’t purchased by actions or contingent on our emotions. It is based on mutually respect, caring and sharing.  It is based on support and encouragement.  It is based on giving and receiving.  It is based on honoring who each other are and the role we play in each other’s life.  So today, think about what kind of friend you are?    In what ways can you improve your role in a friendship?  Are you too demanding or do you understand exactly who each of your friends are and expect them to be no one else but who they are?


No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow. – Alice Walker


The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. – Elizabeth Foley




One response

23 10 2009
JC Conrad-Ellis

Well said. Growing up, I watched my village (my aunts and grandmother and grand aunt) treasure their friendships. They nurtured them and spent time with them. I remember one of my aunts saying that some of the friends that I had at the time probably wouldn’t be in my life in 10 years. I thought she was crazy. These were my girls! But she was right. I still have a few of those “ace coon boons” but there are a few that I don’t even exchange holiday cards with annually. The friendship ran its course. I try to be the type of friend that I would want to befriend. Not a perfect friend, but a good, trustworthy, loving and caring friend. I think it’s working, as I have a cadre of folks that I consider friends.

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