Who can find a virtuous woman?

6 01 2011

Today starts our new theme for 2011 “Divine Design” as we each focus on becoming the women we were meant to be. Our blueprint for this journey is Proverbs 31:10-31. For our first segment we focus on – “Who can find a virtuous woman”

“Who can find a virtuous woman?” – Proverbs 31:10a

Before we get down into the heart of divinely designing ourselves for 2011, let’s first explore the definition of the ideal woman as depicted in Proverbs 31:10-31. This series of scriptures is known as the definition of a virtuous woman. The verses after 10 go on to give us a bird’s eye view of how a woman is of virtue and these details is what we will explore together in 2011. But before we do, let’s first learn a little about whom this woman is and what is really meant by the virtuous woman.

The first part of verse 10 says – Who can find a virtuous woman so let’s start here – what does virtuous really mean? The word virtue according to dictionary.com means moral excellence; goodness; righteousness; effective force; power or potency; excellence; valor (boldness or determination in facing great danger). Here are a few synonyms for virtuous: decent, ethical, honorable, just, moral, nice, right, righteous, right-minded, straight, true, upright and good. Put that all together and what I get is strength of character.   According to Bibletruths.net – “The expression “virtuous woman” is from the Hebrew ishshah chayil and literally means “one of power either in mind or body, or both.” As one source comments, “She is the perfect housewife, the chaste helpmate of her husband, upright, God-fearing, economical, wise” (The Pulpit Commentary, Vol. 9, pg. 597). The virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 especially stands out today in contrast to the “modern woman,” the product of the Feminist’s Movement.”   Interesting right? I know from my own personal experience ladies nowadays don’t want to just focus on being a good wife, after all some of us may not be married!!  It is interesting to think about the fact that my mother’s generation grew up learning to depend on a man.  However when her children were born – my generation who came after hers, we were taught that we did not need one. Instead we were taught that we should focus on self, career etc… and that the man would come. Well I believe that we all need to be a perfect blending of both. I believe that man and woman were made to complement one another not just that the woman is to complement the man. That indeed is what a good relationship is, give and take, 50/50. So I don’t look at this verse as the training to being a good wife but instead I look at it as the training to be a good person, a good woman in ALL we do. After all if I am a good person I will be a good wife, mother, sister, co-worker, boss etc.. The point is that we each must learn who we are and whose we are and in doing so we become that woman of virtue. My value is determined by the contributions that I make not just to my family or to my husband but to the world. You see if I am a good mother, my contribution would be raising exceptional children who grow up and become – a contribution to the world.  If I am a good and faithful worker and then one day boss, the service I give, the products we provide etc…. become – a contribution to the world. If I am a great friend, then my girls feel heard when they have a problem, they laugh when we they need to be lifted. Making my sista friends feel heard and safe helps them be the best they can be and therefore this allows them to become – a contribution to the world. If I am making a good home for my hubby (and he for me as well :-)) he feels like he has a place to lay his head and restore his soul from the cares of this world so that he can go back out there and face the world another day, the man that the world receives should be happier, better and thus he becomes – a contribution to the world. Do you get my point? God’s ideal woman, the proverbs 31 woman, makes the world a better place just by her shear existence in it.

It all comes down to this, we as women have two choices in all we do, we can either contribute to the overall decency, goodness and moral integrity of the people and world around us or we can choose to tear down and destroy by contributing to dissolution, destruction, drama and negativity that is around us. A woman who chooses the first touches hope, harmony and happiness in all she does. She is a direct contradiction to the video girls that many seem to think woman of color are as these days with their promiscuity, sexuality and immoral desires. Yes video’s parade negative images of us as women that have no goals or hopes for her own future other than a man with money. As if she could care less about the village around her. Instead the “Proverbs 31 Woman” shines as a beckon of light as an example for us all.

Why is all of this so important? In the world we live in these days it is actually hard to find a virtuous woman. There are so many women that will do what they have to do to get ahead, gold diggers, folks all about self that really are not trying to help anybody but themselves. You all know what I am talking about. So when you find a woman that is not self serving, that is willing to give of herself to benefit and to serve others, people take note as she shines above them all. This is what we shall each focus on building this year but first next week we will look at the SHINE factor! For now, think about this, if today was your last day on this earth, what contribution would you have made to this world?

“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man or woman should be.  Be one.” – Marcus Aurelius

“Just as treasures are uncovered from the earth, so virtue appears from good deeds, and wisdom appears from a pure and peaceful mind.  To walk safely through the maze of human life, one needs the light of wisdom and the guidance of virtue.” – Buddha

“Beauty without virtue is like a rose without scent.” – Proverb





One response

11 01 2011
JC Conrad-Ellis

I would add to your comments that another tenet of being a virtuous woman is respecting relationship boundaries or borders. Translation: Don’t settle for being the “chick on the side!” If you know a man is in a relationship, leave him be. Tell him to handle his business & sever ties before you will deal with him. This was my philosophy in college, and I am glad that I held firm to this basic value. Even as a college co-ed, I didn’t think that it was virtuous to mess around with someone else’s man. Period. I viewed this as good karma. I had friends who did not adhere to this rule, choosing instead to be the 2nd runner up, chick on the side waiting patiently for dude to dump girlfriend. Dude usually married girlfriend and not chick on the side. I have 4 examples of this happening to 4 different friends, (all beautiful & well educated) and all 4 are now in their mid-forties and still single… Truth! Kinda makes you go, hmm! I have been married for almost 20 years….So, if you want the prize/ring, have some standards and adhere to them! And if he’s otherwise engaged or entangled, he’s off limits. Period. It’s the virtuous thing to do.

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